|Are u lookin at my missus?
Consider yourself a Londoner, but of course you’re not.
You got youth but you got trouble,
Cause youth is all ya got.
Sorry fella, I don’t got no change, I only carry cash.
Watch me pint Tommy boy I’m going for a slash.
You see oh oh,
Hi dee hi!
You interest me.
All I’ll ever be oh oh,
Is what I am... a rich man’s monkey.
I can only think of sex when I try and write.
…I’ve got writers cock.
I’m so horny I could poke your nose.
Hey listen, yeah, knock knock.
“I say! Fuck who?”
Fuck da da fuck da da fuck da da fuck da da fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you.
And I will love you because somebody has to.
You are what you eat and brother you’re a knob.
At best you’re eye candy.
You’re only a fuckin dandy.
Eat handbag bitch... I got the gift of the gob.
A fuck off and die,
That’s what this is.
Are you looking at my missus?
I can’t bear to be so talented and so undiscovered,
Hey! Everybody look at me!
We’ll pander to our critics because we are in it for the money.
Skid ill de idle day dill dumb baa did ill e idle de.
Yes I’m hung like an anaconda, so by me god is great.
I bet he don’t know the first goddamn thing about how to roller-skate.
I pluck my eyebrows in his name. I cook up with his finest candles.
But, I fail to see how a principled man could every wear sandals.
I got this new mint shampoo I smell like Vienetta.
My, that’s some tasty chicken. Tickle me with a feather.
And If I’m lucky he’ll treat me like a piece of meat.
Sister, I’m as loose as Shane McGowan’s two front teeth.
Oh lordy, my, oh my.
You is such a handsome guy.
I said, “My mama was Miss Monaghan 1969.
I lit a fire this morning, I should check on it sometime.”
I never knew that you wanted me.
I thought you didn’t care.
I made my way to Heaven.
How could I know that you’d be there?
I didn’t know that you’d be there.
How much weight has that girl put on?
Sophie’s like... ‘I know’
It’s like, oh my God!
That girl is like Hello!
Tell me that milk is semi-skimmed?
Sophie’s like... ‘No!’
Oh my God!
That girl is like Hello!
Playing the Gay Guitar
Have a joint, have a valium, fuck it girl have three.
I just want to play the gay guitar,
Matthew, give me an E.
I’m not ice cream and lollypops,
I’m a promise to the night,
I’d like to strangle the pope with his own tongue,
It’s fair to say I’m a Jedi Knight.
You got to make it on your own, girl,
You got to make it on your own.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, maybe baby we’ll be just fine.
Praise the Lord.
What’s yours is ours and what is mine is mine.
And the ten tonne pussy choir sing:
‘He’s got the whole world in his hands’
Well, I will leave no turn un-stoned in my quest for faith in a promised land.
He’s got the whole world in his hands.
He’s got you and me brother in his hands.
If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.
If you’re happy clap your hands.